Hofflohmärkte

For those who are not German speakers, today's blog title looks slightly frightening, yeah? Do you wonder if it's something about not hassling the 'Hof (as in David Hasselhoff)?

It actually has nothing to do with that. Instead, it literally means "courtyard flea markets." In other words, it's a yard sale, German style. Since a lot of city dwellers don't have much room here, much less a full-on yard, people sometimes offer yard sales in the courtyard/parking area of their apartment building.

When I was visiting Nürnberg, a neighborhood hosted a sale and we bopped from Hof to Hof to see what was for sale. It was mostly your typical garage sale stuff, such as outgrown clothes, children's toys, and other ephemera. One particularly interesting Hof had prints from a photographer for sale, but all the other items were pre-owned.

Some cities even publish guides with the dates that the neighborhoods choose to host the sales as a group; Nürnberg is such a city, explained my newly made friend who showed me around.

Shoppers at a Hofflohmarkt

I didn't buy anything, but after the sales I did pick up Horst der Stinker (he is a toy) from a box at the curb, which is another, somewhat disturbingly funny story.

Extremes in expats bloggers' view on befriending Germans

It's an interesting experience for me to read expat bloggers' take on making friends with Germans. I've seen opinions originating ranging from the expat who's gone to one local beer festival so she or he thinks she or he's an expert on German life and culture but has no plans to learn the language or to delve deeper in contrast with the opposite, perhaps a person who's married a German, has joined a German club or association, has learned the language, and/or has plenty of German friends.

The latter usually says that Germans are just like anyone else (duh) and that some are more willing to make new friends and others are a bit more reserved about doing so (just as with anyone else). The other category of people who live in Germany but more what I'd call "on the surface" of it have said some...interesting things. To them, becoming friends with Germans is a source of fascination but  seems out of reach.

I've read things from them, as well as click bait articles from The Local, that posit that being invited to a German's home will probably never happen as they are way too private for that to happen. Well, maybe if you barely know the person, but in my circle of friends, we enjoy visiting at one another's homes. The only roadblock to this is that sometimes we're too busy or are traveling to get together as much as we'd like.

Another silly thing I've read is that it's almost impossible to make friends with Germans. They have their own lives and aren't necessarily interested in inviting new people into their circle. Again, I haven't found this to be the case. Will the random person you run into the street want to be your friend? That would be weird so maybe not. Frankly, I would find that a bit unusual in the US, too! However, if you're generally not a butthead of a person and you join a club or a social event and you put yourself out there, you'll get to know people and might even make friends -- which is exactly the same in the US.

So, if you'd like to make friends in Germany, the best advice I can give is to join a club or an association. Be friendly but not too pushy. Ask the person if he or she would like to meet up - and be ready to have a specific date in mind and for the first meeting, a public place is best! If you're American, don't pull our bad habit of being vague and saying "we should meet sometime" because the other person is likely to produce a calendar to immediately set up an appointment for a time convenient to both parties. Mean what you say and say what you mean; that's how things usually work here. If you want to make friends, be a good friend yourself. All of these things can be useful for making friends no matter where you are.

Some Denglish that is way off

I attended a language exchange meetup and was introduced to my friend's new roommate, T, a friendly chap. He immediately leaned in and said quietly to me, "I have something I really want to ask you."

Me, to myself: okay, so I'm just meeting this dude; what's his burning question? To him: "Okay, what is it?"

Him: "I need to know something important about American English. What do you call it when a bunch of people watch a sports game together in public?

Me: breaking into laughter because I know where this is heading: "it is certainly not called a public viewing."

In other words, Americans use the term "public viewing" way differently and our term applies to death and grieving. Actually, we'd just say viewing or visitation, which is another term for a wake, in which family and friends gather to say goodbye to the loved one before the funeral. Usually the coffin is in the room and sometimes it's open; other times it's closed. The most common term I've heard in my US region, the Midwest, is a visitation. 

In Germany, a public viewing means watching a soccer game, somewhere in public, such as in a town square, with the game being projected on a big screen. There is no visiting a deceased person during such an event.

This discussion with T led to him asking me what we'd call this event -- I mean the sports one. We don't really have a term for it; we might just call it "watching the game" or we may specify the opponents, like "I'm going to watch the Honeybadgers play the Sloths."

Generally, we don't gather in a town square to watch sports games, especially since the US is so suburbanized and our downtowns are not always so vibrant (though they can be). It seems that most of the time a bar or bar/restaurant will show a(n) (American) football game on their big screen tvs. Sometimes businesses will host Superbowl Sunday parties in honor of the big competition at the end of January. Since it is common for Americans to have big screen tvs, many people just watch the game from home, either alone or with friends whom they've invited over for a party.

Important announcement

Dear readers: I would like to make an important announcement to you, especially to the European and German readers.

I would like it to be noted that:

-It was cold out
-I was still getting over being sick

-and-

the big reveal is:

I SAT ON A VERY COLD ROCK FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR AND DID NOT GET SICK.

Not really a rock, more of a carving, with my disembodied hand, but you get the point. One of my body parts was touching it, it was cold, and I did not get sick. That's close enough to illustrate this story.

My friend and I had taken a walk and decided to sit for a while and converse. Since there is a dearth of park benches in Kaiserslautern, we sat on cold rocks. Our tushes froze. Neither one of us got sick from that.

I just wanted to share this important event with you, mostly because of this belief that I've heard from German friends.

What I missed from Germany while in Scotland

Earlier I talked about the conveniences I enjoyed while in Edinburgh. I forgot to mention the food - holy wow, was it delicious. I ate Mexican food cooked by actual Mexican people and it had NO curry powder or added sugar (I'm giving you the side-eye on this one, restaurants in Kaiserslautern). Apparently there is an enclave of Mexican people in Edinburgh. Who would've guessed? It was awesome, and yes, I'm one of those horrible tourists who tries the Mexian food everywhere. I usually feel pessimistic that it'll taste good yet remain hopeful. Edinburgh came through on this.

However, there were some things that I missed about Germany, too.

-Recycling: since we were grabbing convenience food such as salads and boiled eggs from the grocery stores, we were left with a lot of plastic packaging, but no recycle bins in sight to dispose of them. I felt guilty going through that much plastic. In Germany, there are usually bins readily available to recycle one's waste. In fact, Germany has one of the highest recycling rates of EU member states.

-Inexpensive grocery food: we loved the convenience of the supermarket food, but the prices were definitely higher. Germany's cost of food is quite low, especially at discount markets like Aldi and Penny.

So convenient Scotland, compared to Germany

Although I love living in Germany, I sometimes feel as living here is "glamping," a contraction of glamorous camping. Germany is advanced in many ways but in other areas, it can feel a bit behind the times. For example, stores aren't open on Sundays and during the week, the ones open "late" usually close by 8 p.m. Sometimes one must pay to call customer service lines. Life is perfectly fine here, but sometimes it doesn't feel nearly so convenient as my life did in the US. Hence springs my feeling that one has what one needs here and then some, but it's not metaphorically like staying in a full service hotel; it's more like staying at a fancy campground.

During my visit to Scotland, I reveled in some of the conveniences and social conventions that reminded me of life in the US. Here are some of them:

-Stores were open on Sunday. Yasss!

-There was a 24 hour open corner store. Hecks yes. Other stores, like Sainsbury's, a grocery store, were open from 7 a.m. until 11 p.m. Fancy a late-night snack or need some toiletries outside of convenient times? There you go.

-If people even seem close to bumping into you, they say excuse me. If I had a euro for every time someone in Germany barged into me, I'd be rich. If you gave me a euro every time they said excuse me (or entschuldigung, sorry, or es tut mir leid)...I'd be poor.

-People actually know how to queue in Scotland. Germany, proper queuing does not mean: standing in a misshapen clump, barging ahead of other people, cutting, pushing, etc.

-People actually hold the door open for you. In Germany, even if the person entering the building is directly before me and I'm practically on his heels, I have lost any expectation that he'll hold the door for me and I'll most likely have it slammed in my face.

-We could pay with credit cards almost everywhere, even for small amounts. I hardly needed any cash.

-FREE WiFi, all over the place.

-Beautiful, cozy coffee houses (with WiFi!) that are open later. Okay, so I know that in bigger German cities, there are plenty of these, but Kaiserslautern's coffee house scene promptly shuts down at 1800 for the convenience of the owners. How I would love to cozy up at a coffee house, maybe surf the net a bit, and read a book later at night - in a place with NO smoking, as in 0, zilch, nada, nichts. (Technically, most places around here are supposed to be smoke free but because of a legal loophole, a lot of the bars and some restaurants allow it inside. Ick.)

-OMG, the prepackaged food at the grocery store! As a low-budget traveler in Edinburgh, I planned only a few meals out in restaurants. For the rest of the meals, I wanted to buy something quick, easy, and inexpensive from the grocery store. Yes, there are some things like prepackaged salads and others at German grocery stores, but you're more likely to have to build your own snack.

At the grocery stores in Edinburgh, we marveled at the convenience, prepackaged foods, many of which were healthful. Would you like cut up veggies and dip? Help yourself. How about a pack of boiled eggs for protein? Yep. They even had a cup of falafel patties. *Swoon.* It was perfect for a meal on the go.

Am I dissing on Germany? That's definitely not my intent. Some things are just more convenient in other countries. In the next entry, I'll talk about some of the things that I missed from Germany during my trip.

My week: October 2 ed.

This week, I cracked my tandem partner up. I told her about the Christmas pickle, which Americans believe is a traditional German ornament. The legend is that the first person who finds it receives an extra gift.

She asked me if Americans really believed that Germans do this. I said yes. She started howling with laughter and said, "Das ist eine Verarschung!"

Well, Americans think it's traditional, I told her. I had never heard of it until my friend visited Frankenmuth, which is meant to look like a German village in the thumb area of Michigan. My friend bought me one of these ornaments and it included a description that described it as a German tradition. Apparently it's not; A has never heard of it and apparently thinks it's quite funny, so there you go.

Source The unassuming Weinachtsgurke

Later this week, I provided an online training for everyone worldwide. I'm doing a lot more with training lately and I like that. I won't lie: it's certainly good for the resume to say that I train 70+ locations worldwide. It also gives me the opportunity to think that my undergrad degree perhaps was worth all the extra work (getting the teaching certification is basically like adding a second major, in addition to my two minors).

German class was a relief. I was moaning to the teacher that I wanted to take the B2 test but I needed to do so much more studying and I felt so behind. "Why?" he asked. "You could pass it right now with no problem." He said that some of the other classmates have passed that and even the C1 test and they still make mistakes, but I'm at least as good as the B2 student and there should be no reason I wouldn't pass. Yippie! By the way, I know it sounds a bit blunt about what he said about the other students. There was no malice in it and I see it as the German directness, which I like (outside of schimpfing ;)

I went on a "friend date" with M and we saw Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children. I had read all three books in the series and felt very conflicted about the movie. I think that if I had only seen the movie, I would have liked it. However, while it uses elements of the books, it makes some very major changes that are jarring.

One major change is that the main character's love interest is totally switched around. They took Emma's character and gave it Olive's talents. The original Emma can summon fire and even has a fiery personality. Instead, they gave her Olive's floating ability. In the book, Olive is a much more passive personality; for the most part, they use her as a lookout and sometimes they even forget her as she's floating above. Book Emma is very strong and independent and by her example, Jacob learns how to be courageous (or as I'd say, he stopped being such a wuss after witnessing her courage). Movie Emma is much more restrained. Boo!

Also, there is a very significant difference from the book and the movie regarding Jacob's grandpa. I won't write it to avoid a spoiler, but it is definitely not how the book went and the change in the movie would make Jacob's quest way easier. The whole point of the books is how he develops courage and loyalty (which isn't really giving away a whole lot, so no worries) through trying quests. The movie made it much easier for him. Hrmph. So, would I recommend the movie? If you've read and loved the books, it might be a bit disappointing. If you haven't read the books and don't plan to, then go ahead; if you like quest movies, you'd like this one then.

There has been criticism of the movie because it does not include any minority characters except for the main villain, played by Samuel L. Jackson. I don't have a problem with the main cast not being diverse because in the books, they're not, and it's not through purposeful exclusion by the original author. In the book, the majority of the characters are from England and Wales in the 1940s (or they were from earlier time periods too). There wasn't a lot of immigration at that time and therefore the population wasn't that diverse.

However, making the villain a minority is problematic because in the book, he's not. In fact, the movie smooshes together several villains into one so Samuel L. Jackson's character is a mashup of people, none of whom were a minority in the book. My main beef with his movie character was that Tim Burton didn't let what makes SLJ shine out that much. I mean, the guy's a bada** (in an awesome way) so why not let him be a bit more of one in the movie? Yes, I know it's somewhat of a kids' movie, but still. Kids can appreciate SLJ too.

In addition to the movie, I also attended a friend's birthday party on the weekend. I brought some egg liquor that I was trying to get rid of and a guy was drinking glasses of it, straight. I hope he didn't have an unpleasant following day!

A German's take on why Germans don't like air conditioning

There is a lot of interest in expat circles (especially for American expats) about why Germans don't like air conditioning.

I've written about it in the past. You can read the entry here.

Trixi from Don'ttrusttherabbit gives her insights, as a German. Check out the Youtube video below.

So, what do you think? Does the cold air make you sick? Or do you hold the scientific view that bacteria and viruses make one sick?

Differences between the US & Germany: music in restaurants

Service in restaurants in the US and Germany is a hot topic among expats, and can effect some heated discussions. There are some good cases for either side, for sure. One issue is the playing of music at restaurants: although it is not the rule, it is quite common for American restaurants to play music and it for it often to be quite loud, whereas German restaurants tend to have no music or it tends to be quieter.

I side firmly with the German restaurants on this one. Going out to eat with one's family or friends is not just a time of sustenance; instead, it is meant to be a time to relax and enjoy the company of one's dining companions.  If the music is too loud, it's hard to hear and it's also unpleasant to have to shout to be heard. Since the focus is on conversation and a relaxed evening, it's not a surprise to find that many German restaurants don't play music.

On the other hand, many American restaurants do, and it can create quite the cacophony! The music is often rather loud and patrons have to speak louder to be heard over it. As it is, Americans are considered to be loud, but who knows if this is a chicken or the egg question as it relates to noise at restaurants.

I would much rather meet my friends and dine somewhere without music. I'm there to spend time with them, not to try to yell over music to be heard. I was at a hotel restaurant in Minnesota and could barely stand to stay there. We were seated in the corner and had to listen to a staticky radio station playing country music (which I abhor) while the bar that was through the French doors was blaring rock music. Meanwhile, the kitchen was playing its own station! It was an awful, loud mix of everything. I let the waitress know that it was a bit overwhelming to be able to hear three loud radio stations in one spot and asked if she could do anything about it. She did get the kitchen to turn down their music a bit. However, it was still loud and distracting. I gave up at that point and we quickly finished dinner.

Give me the peace and (relative) quiet of a German restaurant any day over this!

Differences between the US & Germany: bathrooms

Travel to the United States prompted some thought on how the US and Germany are different. I've been living in Germany for three and a half years now and have settled into the German and European styles of life. Trips back to the US result in the feeling of reverse culture shock, a situation not uncommon for expats who've lived abroad long enough.

For example, when returning to the US and visiting the ladies' public restroom, I'm shocked at just how much space there is between the stall door and the frame. Holy smokes, I feel as if I'm putting on a show with some of the gaps! In Germany, I appreciate the privacy of the stalls with toilet stall dividers that are flush, if not completely to the ground.

However, it's not that (most) people really would ever look through the cracks of American stalls. If we try to figure out if it the stall is available, we usually look down for feet; we don't try to look into the stall itself.

Not cold, but reserved

Ay yi yi. Delve into the expat blogosphere or chat forum and you'll find people lamenting how cold Germans are. Americans especially are wont to say how their little feelingsies were hurt when the meanie German didn't return their goofy grin. Others have felt the cold, hard stare of  a German having a good look. Or heavens forbid one needs customer service.

Do those reporting on this try to learn German and try getting to know Germans personally, in a social setting, instead of out in public? Have they ever tried to learn about a culture and find out what facial and body expressions are typical for that area? Instead of expecting the store clerk, who is there to serve all the other waiting customers, to be a perfect test person for trying out German, have they considered finding an actual tandem partner to work on the language in a non-stressful environment?

I don't find Germans cold at all. Do I find the German culture more serious? Yes, I do, but that doesn't mean that its residents are without mirth. Do I find their behavior with strangers a bit more reserved? Yep, but I appreciate this in some ways.

When I'm out running errands, I have no desire to smile at random strangers or chitchat with the cashier at the store; I'm going about my business, and to be frank, I'm not interested in what others are doing. As an introvert who is socially quite active and plans many group events, I feel as if I don't get enough time to myself, so errands are "me time" and allow for introspection. I don't mind a polite hello-your total is-thank you-have a nice weekend-goodbye with the store cashier; that is sufficient conversation with a stranger.

Why should there be a pressing need to look at/smile at strangers on the street (other than to have a general awareness of your surroundings for safety reasons)? I find it very curious to hear from Americans who feel slighted if random people on the street don't want to engage in smiling at one another or saying hello. I try to avoid doing this with strangers unless it would be blatantly impolite to do so in a situation with low risk factors. For me, it's a safety measure and means of avoiding harassment. I've found, from attending university somewhere that has a tough downtown scene, that not allowing strangers to engage you or approach you is part of keeping yourself safe. While I don't feel that it's so insecure here in Germany, it's still important to be careful.

Before judging random Germans to be cold (or any other culture, for that matter) just because they don't want to engage in your ways of interacting, I would like to suggest integrating more into German life. Meet people in social situations where they're more likely to have the time and interest to meet others. Don't judge things based on some very superficial interactions.

When an English textbook for Koreans exposes something disturbing

My friend shared with me a textbook that her nephew used to learn English. Their family is Korean and the textbook is intended for Korean English as a Foreign Language learners.

I flipped through the book and randomly found this page. It troubled me.

The examples for the word "pale" might seem innocuous in some ways but if one knows about some of the beauty practices, ideals, and treatments not just in Korea, but all over the world, especially as it relates to the desire to have lighter skin, it's depressing.

The examples include:

"Skin: She had smooth dark skin and very dark eyes."

"Fair: She has blue eyes and fair skin."

"Dark: She has relatively dark skin."

Am I reading too much into this? Maybe, but also maybe not. Think about what you know about your first language and the nuances you understand. Then think about a second language that you might know, but didn't learn as a small child. If you learned it in a formal environment, then there's a strong likelihood that you used a textbook.

Textbooks can't cover everything there is to learn with a language; therefore, it's not strange to assume that textbook authors choose to include language and information that they either deem as important or as something that might come up and for which learners must express.

When I read these examples, I wondered what prompted the authors to use them; they must come up often enough that the authors thought they should be included. I'm not sure how wide-spread it is, but I've seen various news reports about skin bleaching among different ethnicities, including Koreans. An article in the Indian Journal Of Dermatology, Venereology & Leprology by Malathi and Thappa even goes so far as to state that "women, especially Asian women are obsessed with fair skin and they would go to the ends of the earth to lighten their skin color as in most cases their marriage prospects or career opportunities are dominated by the hue of their skin" (p. 842).

Do I think it's a coincidence that this textbook defines what "fair" and "dark" mean, and apply them to skin tones? Nope. This is something that must have been used commonly enough that it was used as a topic to teach these words' meanings. After all, fair could have been defined as it relates to the weather and dark could have referred to night time. These words have an effect on learners' perceptions of the world.

Work Cited

Malathi, Munisamy, and Devinder M. Thappa. "Systemic Skin Whitening/Lightening Agents: What Is The Evidence?." Indian Journal Of Dermatology, Venereology & Leprology 79.6 (2013): 842-846.

A merry, if unrealistic, Christmas

Edeka has a cute holiday commercial:

However, I'd like to say that it's an unrealistic depiction of what shopping and waiting in line at a real German supermarket would be like. If people were actually held up in line like this, despite it being something cute, there would more likely be a line of people with their arms crossed, sighing, snarling, and unhappy. It's downright cray-cray at German supermarkets in the checkout line.

Despite that, it's still fun to watch this video.

It's all relative

I had some lolz at a training recently where the trainer  (American) was talking about how "extreme" weather in Germany could be, referencing the Pfalz region. Yes, we had recently had a strong thunderstorm with some hail and there was even a tornado north of here but usually the weather is quite mild.

I do not think of German weather as being extreme. There are a few isolated events throughout the year in the Pfalz, but it's not all that often. Coming from Michigan, I'm accustomed to quite cold winters with a ton of snow countered with crazy thunderstorms, hot and humid weather, and some tornadoes during the summer. When I lived in the country, I found myself stuck without electricity at least once a year after strong storms. Sometimes it was even for days since I lived in a weird spot and the electric company wasn't particularly worried about one customer on that particular piece of the grid.

Even my take on weather is relative. I'm sure that people from Alaska have something to say about getting a lot of snow and people in the south can speak even further about hot and humid weather. Heck, they have hurricanes, which totally top our tornadoes! Isn't the range of human experiences and points of view a strange thing?

Cold rocks, getting sick, and a friendly Frau

I visited the Terres des Hommes Fahrradmarkt in downtown Kaiserslautern yesterday. I wasn't really looking for a bike since I now own three of them, but I am nosy as all get out and wanted to write about it for you, faithful readers (it's cool if you cheat on my blog and read others too).

After I had looked around, I stopped by the Kuchen table and selected a lovely piece of rhubarb cake, so fresh that it was still warm from the oven. There was a table but people were hovering around it and I didn't want to do the awkward dance of seeing if I could sit there or not. Next to the table was a lovely, flat boulder, just the right height for sitting.

Perfect! I thought, and sat down to enjoy my cake. The crowd at the table departed and an older lady sat down. Seeing me, she became very concerned. I broke into the deer in the headlights look. You know, what those who don't speak German might think: oh no! She's telling me not to do something but it's in German so it's scary!

I then realized that, 1) duh, I can understand a decent amount of German so I needed to stop freaking out and listen to what she was saying; 2) she wasn't schimpfing (scolding) me; 3) instead, she was concerned for my health and welfare.

What was I doing that was potentially dangerous? I was sitting on a cold rock. She invited me to sit at the table to save me from the horrible fate that befalls those who sit on cold rocks. I didn't feel like moving so I said in German, "oh, thank you, but I will stay here." She was concerned, saying that I would get sick. I've been a bit saucy lately (aka assertive*, but not in a mean way) so I grinned and told her that it was nice of her to offer but I'm American and we don't seem to get sick from sitting on cold rocks;  I do it all the time.

I swear that I've written about this before, but I can't find it in my blog. There is this belief that I've heard echoed from many German women who are otherwise very scientific (literally, some of them are scientists): sitting on cold rocks is unhealthy and can result in illness. When I press for what can happen, I've been told that women will get bladder infections.

As someone who's sat on cold rocks and gone outside in the winter with wet hair (to the point that it gets ice crystals when it's cold enough) for decades and has suffered no ill effects, I have to call shenanigans on this one. Bacteria and viruses cause sickness, not cold rocks, and sitting clothed** on a cold rock would have no ill outcomes.

Following that, we had a nice conversation, mostly in German. She was there to find a new bike but she wasn't accustomed to bikes with hand breaks. She had been injured badly on a bike in the last year because she braked too hard. I wished her luck in finding a bike and told her about the Saarbrücken sale too.

Later it struck me as a little bit out of the ordinary that she'd speak with a stranger. Usually Germans aren't that into small talk with random people. This isn't to say that I haven't had it happen before. I guess what helps is that I (can) speak German (ish). The other way to get a German to talk to you? Be a woman and sit on a cold rock.***



*Okay, a bit of a feminist diversion here: why do women have to feel guilty about being assertive? Or, why is it, when we politely state how we feel about things and that we will be making our own decisions, it even gets labeled "assertive" but it's just the normal M.O. for men? This really isn't about the nice lady who was talking to me; she was being friendly and was concerned for my health, but my response started my thoughts about assertiveness and femininity.

**Not to be totally uncouth, but I guess there's a small chance that an unclothed person could pick up something from the rock, but it would have nothing to do with the rock being cold.

***For the record, the rock wasn't cold; I would say that it was slightly cool but that wouldn't have even registered had she not said something.

But what do you *do* there?

This summer will yield an exciting event: some family members will be visiting me! I'm thrilled, especially since I haven't seen them for two and a half years. We only get to spend a few days together but I've already started planning what we'll do.

When I talked to them about what we might do, it was rather obvious that my outlook has changed in the time that I've lived here. I recommended that we attend a wine festival since it's a great way to experience the Pfalz region and see what this area is really like with a minimum of tourists.

My guests wanted to know what one does at a wine fest. I happily explained that one can sample the local wines and cuisines, followed by a walk through the vineyards and/or the town, depending on where the event is held. Sometimes there is music or other programs. Basically, one can soak up the Gemütlichkeit and some wine too while enjoying the company of her friends.

I thought it sounded like a great idea until one family member exclaimed, "but we'll be flying the next day! I don't want to have a hangover!"

What? Um, I've never drank enough at a wine festival that I had a hangover. It's even rare for me to get tipsy. That's not really the point of these festivals so it hadn't even dawned on me that one would get a hangover from one. I haven't seen anyone slamming wine at them, but if anyone did that...I could imagine the possibility of an American doing so.

Then they wanted to know what one does at the wine festival. Hmm. I thought that I had explained it but I repeated myself, in case I had forgotten something.

No, what do people do there? What are the events, I was asked. I realized that our understanding of the event was different. I'm accustomed to attending with friends, more like a local would. My goal is to enjoy the company of my friends and to do some relaxed wandering with a bit of wine drinking thrown in; we usually attend on Sundays since everything else is closed then. Sometimes there is entertainment but other times the entertainment is just the company one keeps. I find myself identifying with the German idea of relaxing and really experiencing the activity.

I realized that I need to step back from my experience and reconsider the event through the eyes of my family members. They are here as tourists and have very little time during their visit. It makes sense that they would like to see some more famous sights since this is their first trip to Germany. We will probably end up doing some touristy sh**; we're definitely making a trip to Heidelberg, which I know reasonably well since my good friend lives there. Maybe while they visit the castle I'll have lunch with a friend. I might even make them go for a hike on the Schlangenweg and point out the house on the river where I partied for New Year's eve once. I'll point out Gernot Rumpf's signature little mice next to his monkey sculpture on the old bridge.  That way I'll slip a little bit of the "real world" of German living into the tourist trip.

Das ist ein schönes Bild!

It's that time of the year again! What time is it? you ask. Well, it's the time where I register for German classes at the uni. As is the new norm for me, they will overlap with the Volkshochschule classes and I will learn German four nights a week. I will probably also be a bit worn out and grumpy feeling from the lack of free time, as is also the norm for me.

The uni registration form has a spot where one attaches a photo of oneself. I think that this is ridiculous; so many things require photos in Germany, including resumes (don't even get me started on how wrong and rife for discrimination I think that is), that I feel shouldn't. I'm not interested in having to give a photo to register for a class. It's a pain in the neck to go to a photo booth and shell out six euros for a series of photos.

Instead, I took matters into my own hands: I drew a portrait of myself in the Foto box. It was a smiling stick person me.

Mr. Uni Registerer of DaF Students was amused when I took it to him. "Das ist ein schönes Bild," he remarked.

I replied in Germish: "Danke. Ich bin sehr photogenic."

Situations in Germany that make me frustrated

Living in a foreign country as an expat requires a certain level of adjustment. One must deal with different social norms and a new language. Sometimes it's not so difficult but at other times, one might experience frustrations.

I really enjoy living in Germany and constantly try to learn more about its language, customs, and daily life. However, there are certain things that have happened either to me or that I've seen that aren't so great. Let me be clear that these things don't happen all the time and that not everyone here acts like this but when they do, I admit: I get frustrated.

1. People waiting for a bus or train rush the doors as soon as they open and before the departing passengers can even disembark. They push and shove. It's ridiculous and would go so much more quickly if people weren't so impatient.

2. One time, I was in a super thick crowd of people at a festival. We were in a bottle neck and some dude with a huge belly behind me kept coming closer until he was shoving his gut into my back. Nope, dude, it won't make me walk any faster since there is nowhere to go.

What had me seeing red, though, was when people in the crowd were also pushing into a disabled person. They could have severely hurt that person had he fallen. I have also seen people shove past elderly citizens. To say I was ticked off would be an understatement. What the heck is wrong with people?!


3. People don't "do" lines so well here. It's often a big crowd of people in bunches and people rush up without waiting their turn. I've learned to stand with my hands casually placed on my hips. This sets up a bit of a barrier that says, why yes, I am indeed next in line and it is not nice of you to try to shove past me. I've also been pushed in the heels (purposefully) with a shopping cart from another customer while in line. There was nowhere for me to move farther ahead. Another time, apparently an elderly lady wanted to get past me. Instead of saying "excuse me" or tapping me on the shoulder, she grabbed me by the hips and threw me aside!

4. When I am concentrating on something, whether it's at the store, the art museum, or in front of a sign, I stand out of the way so I don't impede traffic or other patrons. The next thing I know, I have someone standing practically on top of me, trying to look at the same exact gosh darned thing. The person couldn't have waited a few seconds until I was done? Was the person even interested in the thing before I was looking at it? I won't lie: on a particularly frustrated day, I've put the thing down, sighed, and walked away.

I can understand that it's busy in grocery stores and there isn't always a lot of room to look at things. However, I was once in the middle of examining a painting in a gallery that housed twenty other paintings. The gallery was otherwise empty. Someone walked in and instead of looking at any of the twenty other paintings, stood on my heels and breathed over my shoulder. It completely blew my mind.

5. When it takes forever to pay at a restaurant. Yes, I know that restaurant food takes longer to prepare because it's not fast food, yada yada. I'm talking about the actual act of paying. It generally takes anywhere from 10-30 minutes to receive and pay the bill after asking for it. I kid you not; this has happened at many different restaurants, with different price points, and different levels of being busy (from us being the only customers to the restaurant being full). Does anyone know why on earth this is? I'm to the point now, if I have limited time, that I ask the waiter for the bill when he brings the food.

6. Customer service in general. I hope for mediocre to average service. However, I've had some really bad service, too. For example, I was asking for help at the Deutsche Bahn counter. The guy shrugged his shoulders and said he couldn't help with the situation. Not his problem. He didn't offer any alternatives. Grrreat.

Another time, I called Kabel Deutschland and needed help. I didn't know enough German at the time and asked if it was possible to speak with someone in English. Nope, they didn't have anyone there who could speak English to help a customer. I raised my eyebrows at that one (no one? really?). Okay, fair enough, whatever, it's a German company.

Imagine my surprise when I received a telemarketing call from KD and I told the lady I didn't speak German. She flawlessly switched to English to try to sell me tv service. I asked her to take me off the list and never call again. Why would I want tv service from a company that's willing to sell me the service using English, but if I had problems, they wouldn't help me in English? Fair is fair, after all.

7. People not cleaning up after their dogs, or...people who bag up the droppings and then chuck it under  a tree. At least it's not as bad as it is in Paris, but still! Clean up after your darn dogs. I'd love to follow these people to their homes with a pooper scooper and deposit the "deposits" on their lawn/sidewalk and say, "oh, you forgot this, so I brought it for you." Okay, I wouldn't actually do that, but it's tempting!

Things that are annoying about lists expats write about other cultures

Listmania has taken over the internet, it seems. Do you ever find yourself clicking on goofy links for things like "10 Reasons Your Cat Thinks You're Dumb?" and then start thinking, "wow, the fact that I clicked on these links must be one of those reasons!" In the expat blogging world, these lists reign supreme too. Since I am particularly interested in Germany, I often find myself clicking on links for things like "5 Things Germans Always Do" or "Things That All Germans Like," and so on.

When I first lived here, I lapped these things up like spilled horchata. I initially thought they'd be a great way to learn about how society operates in Germany. I read that it's hard to make friends with Germans, they're unfriendly/unsmiling, they get thoroughly ticked off if you jaywalk, everything runs on time and perfectly here, and they're the masters of sorting recycling and properly disposing of trash. (In my own experience, I found that these situations varied so widely that there's no way I could call them traits of all Germans.)

In the two years of living here, I've started to look at these lists with a more discerning eye. First of all, for whatever reason, I feel like a fool for being pulled into articles written like lists. I don't know why they exert such a psychological pull. Why is a list of something more interesting to read than an essay? Has my brain been ruined by Google* and the frenetic, distracting siren call of the internet? Am I too lazy or lacking in concentration to read something that includes paragraphs instead of bullets or numbers?

Beyond just the format issues, these lists can reduce a whole country of people into a bulleted list of cliches. Maybe current lists are more advanced than creating the lame idea that all Germans wear lederhosen and drink beer all the time, but they can still perpetuate the idea that everyone in a country is exactly like X, Y, and Z. That is hardly accurate.

It is important to realize that these lists are just the person's opinion. Duh, of course, you're probably thinking. However, can you honestly say that you've never been swayed by an article online? If you don't have a lot of experience with a group of people or a situation, but the few exposures you've had line up with what's written in the article, don't you start to think, hmm...it's interesting that other people noticed this too. I wonder if that really is a thing for Group X or Y?

Even though I already knew that these just-for-funsies lists aren't always accurate (duh), I really started to think about them more critically after the German as a Foreign Language classes we took. The wonderful thing about those classes are that one can learn so much about the cultures of people throughout the world since we complete exercises where we talk about things in our home countries. They are also an opportunity to discuss stereotypes.

One thing that really struck me during these exercises was when I was talking about my experiences an Indian student would say, "no, that's not what people do in the United States." I would turn around and raise an eyebrow at him. Considering that I am an American citizen, I grew up there, and have spent several decades living there, I was a little confused why he would know what Americans do and don't do. He didn't say it in a nasty way and I wasn't angry at him; I was legitimately curious why he felt the way that he did and we had a respectful dialog with the class. I learned that he was there a short time for school and has watched many American movies so he felt that he had a good handle on American culture.

I turned it around on him. "Do you dance really well, like they do in Bollywood movies?" No, he doesn't dance at all. I said, "well, after watching those movies, couldn't one think that all Indian people like to sing and dance all the time and they're all really good at it?" He acknowledged that movies and tv don't paint an entirely accurate picture of what life is truly like in a country.


This experience really resonated with me and highlighted the importance about thinking critically about one sees and reads. What an expat blogger writer believes about a culture is not necessarily always correct. Anecdotal evidence does not necessarily a truth make. We all have personal bias and merely putting it into text on the internet doesn't magically transform an opinion into an irrefutable fact.

On the flip side, just because someone makes generalizations and pops it on a click-inducing list doesn't mean that it couldn't be a trend with a group of people, either. The most important realizations that I gathered from this are: to take things with a grain of salt; form your own opinion after looking for the good and diversity of experience in others; and if need be, research things on your own, using appropriate sources.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go read an interesting article about the 10 Really Cute Things That Cats Do and 5 Foods that All Germans Eat.

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*True story: I tried to read the author's book about how the internet is changing our brains and adversely affecting our ability to concentrate. I couldn't finish the book because I was too distracted. D'oh.

Products that expats in Germany miss (as told in my Deutsch class)

While taking a German as a foreign language class, one not only learns German, but also about the culture and customs of the other expat students, which is an added bonus. One night in class, we discussed what products we missed from our home countries. It's interesting to see what products are a normal part of life in other countries.

Here is what my fellow classmates reported on:

-Spain: she misses a particular type of mop that isn't available in Germany.
-Indonesia: she misses a special rice cooker.
-India: a bunch of guys got together and talked about how they miss rickshaws.
-South America (he didn't mention which particular country): a certain kind of hammock. He even used a candy wrapper to fashion a model of it.
-Macedonia: a jar of flavoring used for cooking.
-United States (me): good burritos. The teacher and the gal from Spain are both native Spanish speakers and giggled because in Spanish, a "burrito" is literally a small donkey/burro.