Sunday, April 22, 2012

More delivery guy stories

From August 21, 2010

I had a chat with the delivery guy again (the one who'd dealt with the bloody melted meat package last week). He had another odd story about being a delivery store driver. There's a restaurant that's locally/family owned where he stopped in and was waiting for the owner to sign some paperwork for him. He noticed a huge bottle of liquor on the shelf above the manager's desk. The manager noticed his stare and asked him if he'd ever heard of that type before.

Mr. Delivery Driver didn't, so Mr. Manager told him that the best way to describe it was that it was Albanian tequila. He was of course a hospitable person so he offered Mr. Delivery Driver a shot. Mr. DD was quick to say no, so Mr. Manager thought about it for a moment then said, "Oh! I'll do a shot with you then. It will be okay." Mr. DD still had to abstain, though.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

An unhappy meat experience

From August 18, 2010

On Friday the 13th our delivery company driver stopped into work to drop off some packages, looking unhappy. I asked him what was up. He told me that there was blood all over the back of his delivery van.

Huh?! It was Friday the 13th, but that certainly wasn't what I had been expecting. He said that a large package being shipped to someone else had begun leaking blood all over so they had to open it. Imagine his surprise when he saw packages of meat just laid into the box. They had started leaking, of course, as it was Friday and they had been originally shipped on Tuesday and had thawed. Neither one of us could believe that the sender hadn't placed the meat in styrofoam coolers with dry ice first.The package also wasn't sent priority; it went through the regular business class.

After the weekend, I saw him again and asked him how the rest of his Friday went. He gave me an exasperated look. They called the recipient of the package and told her it had melted, leaked all over, and that the meat would no longer be safe. She was unfazed; she said that the middle of it was still probably frozen and that she'd still use it (it had been quite warm last week and those delivery trucks get really hot so we doubted it). She mentioned how it had originally been packaged; a family member, the sender, threw a chunk of ice in a box and then shoved the packages of meat around it.

I hope she has a strong immune system to handle the spoiled meat.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Beware of the costume!

An acquaintance told me this funny story: one Halloween, he decided to dress up as a werewolf. His costume and makeup were exceptionally good; had he not opened his mouth (which is an impossibility), he said that no one would have recognized him. He even went so far as to use Elmer's glue to glue fake hair to his arms and legs to complete the costume.

Apparently he had a lot to drink at the party, and when he went home, instead of just washing the hair/glue combo off with warm water, he tried to shave the fake hair off. At least that's what he and his wife were able to discern the following morning when they say the patches of fake fur and real arm hair shaved off.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Only in my family

From November 8, 2008
I decided to call my parents on Thursday night because I haven't really been in contact with them lately and I was curious if they wondered if I had perished (I hadn't). In doing so, I got into a 20-minute debate/discussion/argument with my dad about Early American furniture. Something like this would only happen in my family, I think. After all, we have had all out grammar fights at the dinner table over prescribed usage for such things as "Jewish rabbi," "Easter Sunday," "completely destroyed," et. al.

The whole Early American furniture debate got started when my dad told me that he had bought some Early American furniture for my niece's bedroom. I told him it was ugly and wanted to know what little girl would want such hideous furniture. She'd want princess or Dora stuff, not Early American four poster bed and matching dresser. I told my dad that the popular style now in general furniture is either modern or post-modern and you can barely even buy Early American any more, except at garage sales (where he bought the furniture for my niece).

He wanted to know where I got my information, because he had talked to "people in the industry" and they said that Early American furniture represented 25% of furniture sales. We got diverted into a huge discussion of who the heck he knew who was "in the industry." I also wanted to know when he talked to people in the industry and he said it was the last time he bought furniture. I decided that it didn't count because it was 30 years ago and people were still celebrating the bicentennial. At this point, I couldn't stop laughing. My dad was slightly annoyed because he was trying to make his point, but he was cracking up, too. I ended up staying awake until midnight on a work night debating this with him.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Um, no, and no

From August 19, 2009

My co-worker and I were talking about the joys of working with the public. The weirdest stuff happens, I tell you.

Just a few days ago, a guy poked his head in the front door and hollered to her, "Hi! I don't have a shirt on. Can I come in and use the bathroom?" (we work in a public environment in which business is conducted).

She coughed, thought about it, and said no. WTH. Seriously.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Phonograph fail

From January 16, 2010

My dad is trying to get rid of some records and asked me to show him how to post to Craigslist. I'll admit that I rushed through the explanation, but that's mostly because I know he wouldn't listen to me anyway. As I was showing him the proper category in which to post the records, he said, "no, wait! I can't sell phonographs on there. It says that."

I hit the back button and started laughing. It said "no pornography please." I told him that his Lawrence Welk records, while horrible, were safe to sell on Craigslist.