Last month, I ended up on German tv. I had not planned to do so but at least during my five minutes of fame (I hoped that) I left a reasonably good impression of my fellow country people. It was definitely a bit freaky to have to speak German and have it recorded. It seems to be my luck that I'm bound to embarrass myself through different media: I just found out that I am to visit a radio show to promote a group!
While I want to have a good attitude about new experiences and I do like a challenge, this is something outside of my comfort zone. I'm going to be speaking English and this isn't for a German station. However, I'm not so fluent even in English when I'm put on the spot. Lately, my brain seems so slow and I pause as I speak. I think it's because I'm tired, often multi-task/solve problems/formulate plans, and think in a weird mix of Denglish. Either way, it's not going to make for a very smooth radio interview and I'm freaked out about not being a good representative of the group.
Can I just go breathe into a paper bag for a while to get over this?*
*For the record, I'm not actually that high strung.
Very painful moment: getting my finger stuck in the clothes-drying rack.
I tried to yank my finger out and it just made it worse (think: Chinese
handcuffs). It was so painful that I had to stop trying to free myself
and just stand there for a couple seconds to avoid blacking out. Who
knew that drying clothes in an ecologically-friendly manner could be so
painful?!
Egads. I didn't commence my day in the most favorable way. As I was getting out of the shower, I slipped and fell flat on my face. Moo sidled up to me, perplexed about why I was sprawled over the floor.
Other than feeling bruised and a bit sore, I was okay. It was a reminder that I need to keep a bathmat out. My shower is an awkward affair; it's small, on a tall pedestal, and has nothing to hold onto upon one's exit.
My friend is always saying he's sure that cats will eat their owners should the owner perish and the cat has the chance. To that I told him that it's more ecologically responsible and a good example of recycling (I am KIDDING, for the record). Of course I had to tease my friend and tell him that Moo was surveying the situation to determine if I was dead or not and if it was time to eat up.
Here's a very helpful video on how to deseed a pomegranate the easy way.
Since I often screw up the simple things in life, let me share a cautionary tale on how I learned what is NOT the proper way to eat a pomegranate.
1. First of all, know your Greek mythology. Remember Persephone, who was stuck in the underworld for 3 months of the year (winter) because Hades convinced her to eat pomegranate seeds? That is a helpful hint. Don't be an idiot like I was the first time and attempt to eat the fleshy part inside the pomegranate and throw away the seeds. The seeds are your friends; the fleshy part is not. It's horrible and bitter.
2. The youtube video above is really helpful for removing the seeds. Cut the pomegranate in half lengthwise and whack the pomegranate like it's part of a 50 Shades of Grey novel. The seeds will fall out. It's even better when they fall out into a pan that you had the foresight to put down ahead of time.
3. There is a caveat to step 2 though. If trying this at work, be careful when pulling the pomegranate apart as seeds and juice might fly out unexpectedly and make a horrible mess of the break room, leaving the person shocked and holding half a pomegranate but being extremely grateful that none got all over the white work trousers. I'm sure a slow motion video of this, and the look of shock on the victim's face, would have been hilarious. Cleaning up the mess was not hilarious.
4. Pomegranate seeds are quite delicious when one is able to survive eating the correct part of the fruit and deseeding it.
I may or may not have been involved in an international incident involving a potted plant* and a Dutch hotel. If I had been involved, it would have been purely accidental.
This alleged incident may or may not have involved accidentally knocking down the poorly placed plant in the lightweight, inappropriate, and dangerous plastic pot when trying to access the hotel. The incident might have also involved much horribly embarrassed giggling and desperate attempts to right the plant and to scoop up all of the potting material, all the time mindful of the incriminating security camera.
Things may or may not have been worsened when the perpetrators returned to the scene later to find a group of men in work pants standing around and talking in the hallway. An additional man was wearing lederhosen (shorts), which was extremely odd since it was not in Germany. The alleged perpetrators may have burst into uncontrolled laughter that might have made the men self-conscious even though the laughter was about the plant and the small amount of potting material left next to the plant and not about the men.
All of this may or may not have happened.
And then I may or may not have dreamed that night that I was in class and there was a pile of potting material under the desk. It may or may not have been the result of a guilty conscience.
*and by plant, I mean a houseplant that is legal in all countries, just to be clear.
Since I work at a foreign entity that is almost a world of its own here but live outside of it, I feel as if I'm caught in the middle of two worlds. I have dollars and cents and euros and...euro cents in my wallet. I know the euro cents reasonably well at this point, but I always have the moments of panic at the grocery store when I'm trying to sort out the various euro coins as an impatient German is breathing down my neck and I'm simultaneously trying to pay, bag my groceries, pretend that I can speak German, and still remember to breathe all the while.
It certainly doesn't help that I also have American money in my wallet, as well, for use at work and I accidentally grab some of those coins in the mix when I'm trying to pay at German stores.
Even worse is the time when I grabbed a really weird coin out of the mix and realized that, for some reason, I had a Canadian loonie in the wallet. Recently I even got caught up when I realized that I have a car wash token, as well. Why on earth do I do this to myself?
I know I have Czech Koruna and Hungarian forints somewhere at home. Maybe I should throw those into my wallet, too. It might liven things up even a bit more!
