Where to learn German in the Kaiserslautern area

So you’ve decided that you’d like to learn German as a foreign language. Now what? If you’re in the KMC, here are some options that are available. The first options are only available to military-affiliated people who have access to the posts/bases (if you don't have it already, you probably won't get it, if that makes sense) but the community options are open to everyone.

ON BASE/POST OPTIONS (only open to those with US military affiliation)

Ramstein FSS Classes: learn German from the community education center on the Ramstein Air Base. These are mostly beginners’ classes and are primarily explained in English. https://www.86fss.com/adult-continuing-education

USO: the USO also offers beginner’s German classes. They are mostly simple classes offered in English that describe the language and give one the basic skills needed to order at a restaurant or buy bus tickets. View the newest issue of the Kaiserslautern Kabel (the USO’s local magazine) or visit the organization’s website to find course offerings. http://eu.uso.org/kaiserslautern/

Army Community Services: these are offered for free on Pulaski Barracks. There are two classes offered, beginner and intermediate; the latter is more similar to an advanced beginner level. These are in English too with plenty of grammar and some speaking. http://kaiserslautern.armymwr.com/europe/kaiserslautern/programs/army-community-service-acs/

OPTIONS IN THE LOCAL GERMAN COMMUNITY (open to everyone)

Volkshochschule: these are continuing education centers that offer a variety of classes, with everything from guitar lessons to language lessons, in the German community. Beginning through advanced German lessons are available in an immersive setting. Classes focus on grammar and speaking and are conducted in German. There are both intensive courses (every day for hours) and shorter night classes too. These classes also introduce one to German life and culture. Integration classes are available for those seeking German residency or citizenship. Courses are reasonably inexpensive. VHS Kaiserslautern: www.vhs-kaiserslautern.de/   Kreis Volkshochschule Kaiserslautern: www.kvhs-kaiserslautern.de/ (with classes in the suburbs surrounding Kaiserslautern)

Verein zur allgemeinen Völkerverständigung, Kultur und Bildung an der TU Kaiserslautern: the long name might give a hint that these classes are well-suited for the serious learner, and indeed, they are! They are intended to prepare foreign students at the Technical University of Kaiserslautern to take their area of study in German but outside participants are welcome too. There are evening classes and intensive classes. Each class covers one subset of a level, such as A.1. The entire class is conducted in German and focuses heavily on grammar and speaking with some writing. Classes are offered to non-TU students on a space-available basis. (I’ve always found a spot in the class). http://vkb.uni-kl.de/

Private schools and tutors: I haven’t taken lessons from anyone in the area in this form, but there are various options available. One of my friends took a class through a private school downtown and was pleased with the lessons. They were somewhat expensive compared to the public options; lessons were about 20 euros per hour-long session. However, those who prefer one-on-one learning may see faster results this way. Search the internet using terms such as “Deutsch als Fremdsprache” (German as a foreign language), “Sprachkurs” (language course), or “Deutsch Nachhilfe” (German tutoring) and the name of your town (or the next biggest one).

Whether a person wants to learn to speak tourist-level German or wants to learn enough to discuss the meaning of life, there are plenty of options in the Kaiserslautern Military Community.

Signs you've been living in the Kaiserslautern Military Community too long

You know you've been living in the KMC too long when...

1. You know better than to talk about That Wing Place (which shall not be named).

2. You've made peace with the fact that sometimes almost always Mexican food is going to have curry powder in it.

3. You start to know what all the acronyms for everything means in the KMC. For example, the KMCC is part of the KMC and one can eat there if he doesn't want to choke down a MRE.

4. You don't choose TKS. You've heard the horror stories.

5. You know people who get inexplicably excited about Starbucks and/or Chipotle. You may or may not be one of those people and you may or may not have driven to Frankfurt for one or the other.

6. You know to call ahead first to an office where you must conduct business. You also know that the phone number, building number, hours of operation, and other important information on the organization's website and/or the Find-It guide will probably be hopelessly out of date. Once you finally have the correct number to call, the person who's supposed to answer it will either be on TDY or the office will be inexplicably closed. If you're a n00b, you drove to the office without calling first and were sent on a wild goose chase. Even if you're an experienced person, you might drive to the office only to find a sign taped up that the office isn't open or it moved for some odd reason.

Things That American Expats Need to Stop Doing in Germany

Really, this could apply to any expat, but here are some common things I've thought about since moving to a community that is half composed of Americans who live here as a result of the military. Some of these things apply especially to the military-affiliated people.

1. Stop being upset if a store/restaurant does not take credit cards and go with the assumption that they might not so carry cash instead.Yes, I was guilty of that too. Now I just always assume that I'll have to pay cash.

2. Please, please, stop asking if a restaurant is child-friendly if that means that one is looking for a restaurant that will be happy to accept one's children running around, screaming, standing on the tables, and not being properly monitored by the parents. All of these things have happened, sometimes with the parent not making a concerted effort to curb the child's behavior. This does not leave a good impression of Americans to our German hosts! It's not always possible to control every action of one's child, but in order to be respectful of the restaurant and other diners, parents should work with their children to learn proper restaurant manners. If the child is having a meltdown and it can't be resolved, it's time to take the child home and try another time. And, for the love of all that is good as well as for your children's development, please get a babysitter instead of taking your infant or young children to movies meant for adults.

3. Don't be afraid to leave the base if you are living there! So many wonderful treasures await outside the gates, ready for one to discover them. Especially in the Kaiserslautern area, it's not difficult to find someone who can help and speak English if one gets stuck. It's really not scary to go out there. Do a bit of research online if you are worried. Blogs, such as mine [shameless plug], are helpful for learning about how things work here.

4. Stop buying vegetables at the Commissary and being unhappy because they go bad quickly! I'm guilty of buying my vegetables at the Commissary too, but with the realization that I might be disappointed at the freshness, probably because there is not always heavy turnover. Go shopping on the economy; there are wonderful farmers' markets and Turkish markets often have some nice produce too.

5. Stop buying American gummy bears (if you do that type of thing), even if it's the same Haribo brand. Once you taste the German ones made with real fruit juice and no high fructose syrup, you'll never want to go back (trust me on that one).

6. Stop driving everywhere. If it's feasible, try taking the train or bus instead. You'll be thrilled at the ease and comfort of traveling as well as the relief of not having to drive in congested cities or pay for parking.

7. Don't expect Germans (or those of any different nationality, for that matter!) to be friendly in the same way that Americans are friendly. For example, being upset that people on the street don't smile or wave back doesn't do any good. Germans are known for deep friendships and authenticity but may take a while to warm up and get to know new acquaintances. Don't take this personally; instead, appreciate a true friendship if one develops!

8. Don't say things that you don't mean; it's inauthentic. Also, for people from another culture or who speak English as a second language, it is confusing for them (and it's not kind to anyone!). For example, expect that if you say "we should get together sometime," that the other person will be expecting that the "sometime" will actually occur, even if you didn't really mean it.

9. Stop being monolingual! At the very least, learn some common, polite German phrases such as hello, goodbye, thank you, please, etc. Become as fluent as what works for your situation. There are no and low-cost options out there to learn German. Or, even better yet, see if you can find a German-English tandem partner to practice. You may even make a German friend as a result!

Food truck review: Napoli at military installations around Kaiserslautern

Various food trucks set up shop at the US military installations around Kaiserslautern. They tend to change weekly, but have the same rotating cast of "characters."

One such character is Napoli, which also has a takeout restaurant in Landstuhl. I've ordered from there before and was not impressed by their Chicago crust pizza. I decided to try their offerings again when I saw the food cart at one of the installations.

I was pleasantly surprised; the flammkuchen (regional pizza like dish) was quite tasty. I liked the saltiness of the pork on it, balanced with the rich smoothness of the cream-based sauce and savory onions.

I also tried some of their regular crust pizza and found it quite better than their Chicago crust pizza. After these experiences, I'd try their Landstuhl physical location again.

What I have learned about getting things done on base

When one becomes involved with a military base, whether to work there, live there, or whatever, there are many official "chores," so to speak, that must be completed. These chores include getting one's ID card, receiving a background check if working there, etc.

What I have learned in the last month from completing these chores is this:

-it is generally not straightforward nor excessively easy to get many of them done;
-it is not uncommon to have a difficult time finding the correct office to visit, either because it's been moved, closed, or consolidated in one fashion or another;
-offices might be closed for US or local holidays;
-staff might not know the correct office to visit so you'll have to talk to multiple people/departments;
-you might be told different things by different staff and those things may be in conflict and have to explore all options to find out what is the correct way of accomplishing your chore.

Here are some hints for dealing with these problems:

-always call the office you want to visit before you go there to make sure that they're open/available to help you when you plan to be there and take note of their closures for lunch breaks;
-make sure that you are prepared and have all necessary documentation for what you are trying to accomplish; check both online and ask people working there when you call to check the hours (and if the two sources conflict, err on the side of caution and bring everything that both sources recommend);
-write down the dates, times, and names of the employee you talk with regarding your situation;
-don't be shy about POLITELY explaining to a staff member what you've heard from a conflicting source and quote it if it's official to work through the problem;
-approach the chores with a hopeful attitude that things will go smoothly but with the realistic thought that they probably won't and have a back-up plan;

-don't abuse the staff working at the offices; there is a good chance that they are just as frustrated as you are but their hands are often tied because of staff cuts or administrative requirements -- being nice to them might just help you get some extra help or consideration; and
-bring something to amuse yourself while you wait...and wait...and wait in the office for your appointment; also bring your cell phone in case you need to call someone to confirm information during the meeting (i.e., calling your sponsor to ask what your official department is, etc.).

Here is an example of trying to do one simple thing that turned into a major chore: I was trying to find out where to pick up my ration card, which I am entitled to as a civilian employee. I looked online and noted that the office was at a particular building. However, upon talking to people within my own department, I learned that it probably had moved. I called someone in another department. He gave me information about what I had to do to get the ration card, but he also didn't know the new location of the department (which is very odd because he deals a lot with that department). He asked me to update him when I found out where it is (which I did, after this ordeal). We finally heard through word of mouth the possible location of it. When we showed up to the base and building where it was supposed to be, it wasn't there. We asked one office and they had no clue. We stopped by another office and they said that it was in the first location, where we had unsuccessfully already visited. After some conversation with staff in that office, we realized that we all knew a mutual acquaintance who had just received his ration card, so the staff there was kind enough to call him for us and ask the correct building number. The ironic thing is that this person works in the same building that we do, but we hadn't run into him to ask him ahead of time. He gave us the correct building number and once we arrived I had my ration card within a few minutes. The ridiculous thing was that we spent probably about 45 minutes trying to figure out where to go.

Working for the military vs. working for other employers

With my new job, I am finding a totally different experience from working for educational or local government employers. Some ways that working for the military is different from my previous job:

-I have to not only watch out for cars when I go walking around my office, but for tanks also.
-There are budget cutbacks, so many of the sidewalks and parking lots had not been cleared of snow which has devolved into ice. It's almost safer to walk in the road and just dodge tanks than it is to walk on the sidewalks.
-I can buy groceries (American products at American prices with American dollars), get my hair cut, workout, open a bank account, and even eat some German food (if I wanted to) all within a short (ish) walk from my office, which is, from what I understand, considered American soil (on top of the German, or at least, that's my own belief ;)
-I have a background investigation being done on me just so I can use the computers at work.
-Armed guards greet me (and my ID) with a smile every morning.
-We receive handy magazines at work that detail how to fix our tanks and HUMVEEs (though our office doesn't have any of those)/
-Recycling is no joke; there is not much that we throw away vs. recycle (this is more a function of working in Germany than it is working for the military).
-There are many acronyms here; half the time, I don't know if I want to be a SME or something else. I petitioned to be called a SQUEEGEE but I think we need to move it up the COC for that one.
-When I send work emails, the subject lines automatically get the annotation "Unclassified" added to the subject lines.
-Bad Things Will Happen to Me if I try to plug in an MP3 player or flash drive in my computer at work. It is verboten.
-The scenery on base is fantastic, and I ain't talkin' about the woods here, folks.