Saturday, September 10, 2016

Used taxidermy: a further exploration

Yesterday I wrote about my adventure at the Kaiserslautern thrift store and the [overwhelming] display of donated [?] taxidermied animals.

I was wondering who on earth wanted to buy pre-owned taxidermied animals. Apparently it's a thing and Men's Journal even wrote a guide to buying used taxidermy.

When I just wrote "pre-owned," I imagined going into a taxidermy store that looks like a used car dealership, and customers immediately being accosted by a salesman who's wearing a polo shirt that has a lower neckline than usual for a dude's shirt (you know, to show that he's suave). He has greased-back hair and smells a bit like formaldehyde mixed with Axe body spray. As the buying negotiations take place, he asks, "what'll it take to get you into a pre-owned jaguar today? Shall I throw in the jackelope for your game room?"

His colleague, a guy of average height and slightly overweight, with a bushy hipster's beard and thick, black rimmed glasses, talks to another customer and gesticulates to a deer's head with a unicorn horn.  "Brah, srsly, you'll have this before it's even cool. Press a button and it expels glitter. You totally need this. No one else has it."

[Exhibit A of why I don't usually get bored/lonely when I'm off doing my own thing because I'm always imaging strange situations, such as the exchange above.]


Anyway, can I just say that I'm NOT into taxidermy? I get a little wigged out about dead things. I know this sounds awful, but at open casket wakes, I just can't bring myself to go and look at someone's shell. I prefer to remember the person as he was and I find the viewing a bit macabre.

Taxidermied animals don't evoke such strong emotions, but I do find them a bit grotesque and they're not something I'd care to use as decorations in my home. When I lived in Lapeer, I used to get my hair cut at a barber shop that had dead animals littering the shop. It was supposed to be "manly," I guess. I'm not a man but went for the weekday special for a $7 haircut. I could put up with some glassy eyes staring at me for a good haircut at a reasonable price. I just never thought I'd come face to snout with so many taxidermy animals at a thrift store.

No comments:

Post a Comment