Paella in yo' face!

From Dec 9, 2009

If Westerns shot in Italy are called spaghetti westerns, then by my reasoning, Westerns shot in Spain would be called paella Westerns.

The Statue Park

From Mar 28, 2010

I'm back from a jaunt to Europe. My friend and I accidentally almost became fugitives from Hungarian law, tried our darndest not to laugh at a guy who kept tripping on blocks on the Charles Bridge because he was smoking and not paying attention (we failed miserably at not laughing), walked miles and miles, made a music video about sinkholes in Prague sidewalks, and had a great time.

Before the trip, I had been ruminating over getting to the Communist Statue Park in Budapest. The directions we researched, while technically correct, lacked sufficient detail. They said ride to the end of the line, turn left, and walk through the woods. Um, yeah. Ride the tram to the end of the line, turn left, walk about 2-3 blocks, turn left into the woods, take the middle trail which is probably about 2 miles or so (walk about 30-45 minutes, depending on the length of your travel partner's legs/stride and the degree of your jetlag), chug up the last hill (again, only as difficult as your jetlag is), and turn right toward the giant mushroom, as the pleasant, helpful Hungarians call it. By mushroom, they mean the water tower that looks like a UFO or a mushroom (again, depending on the degree of your jetlag). Turn left onto the road that deadends on the trail and stagger another 1/4 mile to the park. You can see it right after the garden store. You can see the arms of Communists poking above the walls of the garden store. Look around at the statues, make the YMCA sign (backwards) with one of the statues, and stagger back to your hotel.The park isn't wildly entertaining, but you can say that you possess the fortitude to get there.

The Sedlec Ossuary in Kutna Hora is about as fun to get to, but it involves multiple buses and a test of willpower of how badly you want to see it. If you want to test the fortitude of your stomach, try out the "charming" bathrooms at the Kutna Hora bus stop. By the way, the ossuary in Rome trumps that one and is far easier to get to, so if it's a tossup if you'd like to see Czech or Roman bones, I'd say go for the Roman ones. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Kids say the darndest things

From Oct 4, 2010

I was visiting my parents this weekend and my brother dropped off my almost two year old niece while he took the older niece to soccer practice. My parents were grilling her -- erm, I mean, talking to her. They were asking her where daddy went; where was mommy; does mommy work; where does mommy work?
I could tell that my niece was sick of being on the witness stand so the final question, where does mommy work? did her in. She finally said, "I don't want to talk about it."

We laughed so hard because she's not even two yet and is already saying things like that. I hypothesized that it may be her take on working mothers.

What's a fan to do? : Look Like an Idiot

From Apr 11, 2010

Last night in Detroit, I was enjoying a drink with a friend at a bar (Park Bar) that I like very much. A guy walked in wearing what I at first thought was one of those helmets that people wear when they have seizures. Then a few more guys strolled in and they were wearing the "helmets" too. I started getting this hey-dude-bro-man vibe and then realized that the helmets were made of paper. I started to put several key clues together and I came up with the hypothesis that they have just come from a hockey game and the paper things were supposed to look like hockey helmets. I then wondered if the guys realized just how stupid they look.

The crowning moment* was when I saw one guy who took the whole helmet thing even farther: he had created a chin strap for his helmet out of toilet paper. I was despondent that I hadn't brought my camera with me.

* har-de-har-har, pun intended

We're spineless here

From Apr 25, 2010

I was at work when I was asked, "you guys don't have a skeleton here, do you?"

The smarty pants part of me wanted to say, "why, yes, I do, but I'm using it at this moment."

The really scary thing is that I actually answered, "Well, we don't have a skeleton, but there's a skull on the shelf behind me."
--
The freaky thing is that I don't work in a medical/scientific field so it's pretty darn weird that there's a skull on the shelf. I never did get that one.

Around the...lost dog

From Oct 5, 2010

I was enjoying a nap as I was feeling unwell when I heard the doorbell sound. I climbed out of bed and found a teen girl wearing a bright orange shirt, a Burger King crown, sunglasses, and some face paint at my front door.

"Did you lose a small white dog?" she asked.

I blinked. Um, no. Apparently she had found one and when I answered in the negative she was on her way.

If I had climbed back into bed I would have thought it was a dream but I knew it wasn't as I decided that my nap was shot. I suppose that I probably looked a bit goofy myself since I was in pajama pants and had sleep-tousled hair during the day.

Around where monsters eat...

From Oct 9, 2010

I was absolutely pleased to learn that there is a book titled Monsters Eat Whiny Children. Apparently my friends and family think it's great, too. Maybe I should buy a copy of it for one of the success stories from this site, an expecting couple who also happen to be my friends (the wife knows me from BEFORE I was born; that's how long we go back). However, do I need to create issues in a child that hasn't even been born yet?

I read a review on Amazon (not that the hoi polloi make the most authoritative reviews) and this review cemented that I wanted to buy the book: "This book is absolutely terrible for children. I bought it thinking it would have some redeeming message for kids. It doesn't."

However, the book does have a recipe so it can't all bad, right? Right?