Market Forces

From Oct 4, 2008

My brother: "Hey, is ICP coming into town soon?"
Me: "Um, I have no idea. Why?"
Brother: "Well, Faygo is on sale."
Me: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Brother: "Every time ICP comes into town, Faygo goes on sale. I'm serious! All the stores have it on sale right now!"
Me: Rolling eyes.

Domesticity Fail

From Oct 7, 2008

I have one last "horror" story of failed domesticity. At times, I try to fool myself into thinking I can eat something other than cold food or food that comes in a box. Sometimes I try to cook something or bake treats. Usually the results are quite mixed.

Several weeks ago, I decided that my co-workers needed some cookies for putting up with me (and plus, I had said in my interview that food can often work well as a reward/motivator for staff..unfortunately, I may have crossed theories in management with animal training theory instead). I attempted to bake some oatmeal cookies and misjudged how done they were, as I'd like to think that the oven in the window distorts the true color of the cookies (thus I also must never be allowed in a tanning machine), and burned some of the batch.

I took the good cookies to work and told my colleagues what a failure I am and that I burned the other cookies. They raved about the cookies they had in front of them, which makes me laugh because I just followed the recipe on the label of the oatmeal.

I had thought that they were just being nice. I think it was sincere, though, because the next day a co-worker asked if I had any of the burned cookies left. I had thrown out most of them, but with a remaining cookie, had grated off the burned part and found that it wasn't too bad. I was pretty impressed that she liked the cookies enough to want some burned ones (thought I think that she would have wanted anything with sugar at that point). Sometimes you just have to take the burnt part of your life and scrape off what you can't use and make good with the part that you have left.

Cosas?

From Jun 11, 2009

I don't know why I just thought about this, but it brought a smile to my face, remembering it.

When I was traveling in Italy, we stopped at a small roadside cafe for a takeaway meal. The cafe was in the middle of the country and the waiter didn't speak English. I needed to ask him for a fork, but I had no idea what the Italian word for it was. I wracked my mind, and finally asked pleadingly, "¿Cosas para mangia?"
He stared at me, thought about it, then handed me a fork. I'm sure that I had managed to mangle two languages at once, but at least I tried to cobble something together with limited Spanish and non-existent Italian. I'm sorry, Mr. Cafe Proprietor. I tried.

We'll sample that, for security's sake

From Nov 8, 2009

I was checking out the TSA website because I am looking to move past prissy travel and forge ahead with a backpack instead of my security blanket of a suitcase, and I came across this gem of a rule:
"Note: You can bring pies and cakes through the security checkpoint, but please be advised that they are subject to additional screening."
Tee hee. I'm wondering if the TSA agents get hungry, if "additional screening" might mean eating a slice. Oh, and, Americans: don't bother bringing Christmas puddings home from England. Trust me on this one. They're not security risks (at least as far as I know) but they are palate risks as they are not tasty.*
*Okay, that's just my opinion, but it might count for something. I intensely distrust pudding that is solid.

Call 911!

From Oct 14, 2008

I was at a meeting and was told, "Oh, by the way, I did call 911 the other day."

Me: Um, okay.
Her: Yeah, there was a rabid raccoon outside the building.
Me: Oh.
Her: Some kids were poking it with a stick. I told them to get away from it because it was rabid, but they thought it was just friendly.
Me: [Trying to keep a straight face]
Her: They got it with one of those dog catcher loop things. Boy, was it mad!
Me: Well, thank you for telling me about that.

Fuego in the pyramid: a work hazard

From Aug 19, 2009
There are many lines written about how one's education doesn't always give one a practical knowledge base for work. I have found a few holes in my education.
For example, this week, I was in hysterics when our pyramid-shaped cigarette butt receptacle caught on fire at work. I was discussing this with a co-worker and was trying to find the right word to describe the situation: was it a paradox or an oxymoron, or just plain old irony that the receptacle meant to extinguish cigarette butts caught on fire?
I was by the front with another co-worker, wiping tears away from my eyes and trying to compose myself, as my counterpart retrieved water from the goldfish bowl and put out the fire. She then proceeded to spray Glade air freshener in the lobby because the smoke had snuck in from the front door. The Glade made me laugh even harder.

Hilarity

Sit for quite some time with your feet tucked under you and jump up to answer the phone. Results may vary.