Denial, asthma, and frustration

Today was a frustrating day.

I only completed one task today at work. The rest of the time, I was trying to update some things and that required running reports. Well, I was having so many problems just getting the software started, and then each report was taking forever. I had to then export the data and that took eons, too. Instead of working on something different, I was a stubborn ninny and instead fought all day with the computer. I was so frustrated that it was ridiculous and I put aside reason because I was going to make that computer do my bidding, darn it! I think the computer had the last laugh.

Even worse, I've been feeling rotten all day: super tired, with an occasional, piercing headache, and shortness of breath. When I went on the bike ride this weekend, I really flagged behind my friend on the bike, panting like crazy. Since then, even walking around leaves me short of breath. I've been like, what the heck? How can I be that out of shape? This is ridiculous; while I haven't been to the gym lately, I walk around town and I'm not a total couch potato.

It then dawned on me: I do have asthma and that's what my problem is right now. This isn't being out of shape; I did two other long bike rides this month and they were nothing like this current shortness of breath. I seem to push it to the back of my mind that I have asthma; I'm "lucky" in that it's not very serious and it's related to allergies. It usually doesn't bother me until I get a sinus infection and I've been ill for some time and it settles into my lungs. The headache makes sense, too; whatever's floating around in the air must be contributing to a sinus headache.

I've been rather bad about the asthma; it's a more recent thing, as my allergies have worsened. When I was first diagnosed with it, I won't lie: I held a pity party for myself. After all, I wanted to bike, hike, horseback ride, and at that time, run (can't do that any more, for other reasons). I felt very mopey that those things would be unavailable. Then I snapped out of it; my asthma isn't very bad and I should be thankful that it only bothers me a couple of times a year. Plus, a family member has asthma and he managed to play varsity soccer and tennis in high school so physical activity is not out of the question.

I just need to use my inhaler, rest, and give myself a kick in the pants to have a good attitude. Here's hoping that I can finish what I was working on when I go into work tomorrow.